HONESTY CIRCLES - ADDICTIONS: BREAKING THE CYCLE

Aug 24, 2015
Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash
Disclaimer: This article was found here.

My divorce is already at the final stage and we now in the process of allocating our assets. 

Yes till today, I still believe that a imperfect marriage is definitely better than a divorce………….if only this is possible. Sigh. Let me elaborate abit more about my unhappy marriage.

All these years, I always tell myself to tolerate my spouse, but I realized that I can’t move forward if I continue to live with him.

He is a gambler and alcoholic, everything he wants is his way and showing no respect for me at all. I finally realized that I am just a tool for him to start a family, to be a father of a so-call “complete family unit”. Deep inside, there is no such thing as “mutual understanding and sharing or relationship.” 

I have married for 20 years, but have never really experience the married life like what other couples share. My spouse is too proud to share his feelings with me, he lies, steal, rob and towards 2005 – 2007, he even abused me physically and forced me to jump out of the window from my 11th storey flat. He called me a slut when all my life I had only him as my life partner before and after marriage.

He wanted to sell our current 2nd flat to settle his gambling debts when he has already received S$25K from the proceeds of our first flat to pay off his gambling debt. Shockingly, he does not want to co-buy another one to shelter us effectively leaving us homeless if we sell our second home.

In Singapore, as a family unit, I cannot buy a flat using my own name if I am still married – when he does not want to co-operate. Hence, due to this housing issue, I am forced to divorce him. In fact, I have long given up hope in him but thought that we just stay together for the sake of the children. 

However, with his constant pestering to sell our current flat, I need to find other alternative shelter for my two children and myself and this proves to be difficult in Singapore if we are still officially married.

In fact, since 2000, I sense that I see only his outer/physical person but the inner soul is gone. His soul is not with our family anymore. He is drowned in his gambling addiction and alcoholic world. The twin vices have sadly trapped and destroyed him with no sight of any positive outcome.

As I reflected on my married life for the past 15 years, I simply could not believe that I have tolerated this marriage for so many long years. I have now treated this marriage journey as a prolonged nightmare and I need to do something drastic to stop the pain.

I am glad that finally I have managed to wake up from my slumber. I may not have many years to live after my divorce with him, but a day living my own life without a tyrant taking charge of my life is a bonus and a blessing.

I am now a different person from when I was 5 years ago. I have changed to a more confident person. I dismiss all negative thoughts from my mind. 

I set a goal for myself i.e. to try to upgrade by enrolling in the current counselling course, firstly to further my educational qualification as I am only a “O” level holder and secondly to support and help others who are caught in similar plight as me. 

I am now walking each single day to arrive at that goal..

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