Have you felt like your self-worth is attached to the material things of the world? For instance, a degree, how much money you have in your bank account, the ranks and status of where you are at your work place or how smart you are in the eyes of your parent? I have.
I have come to see that the lack of self worth comes secretly and silently in the narrative that: more is good, more is better, more is appropriate and more is the way to go. Pursuing status, power, prestige and or money, all in the name of security. Have we stopped to consider, the accumulation of more comes with a possible silent lack of contentment, always clamouring, hoarding and constantly striving, for more?
I recall meeting an elderly aunty once when she was limping her way out of the church halls. With my other half, we offered her a ride home. Truth be told, she didn't smell too nice and wasn't very clean. Trying to put aside the judgment and the visible scent, Gerald and I proceeded to take her home in our little car. She begun to lament on her big toe that was hurting because of an ingrown that had emerged. And said she was going to the doctor on Monday to get it sorted. It was ringing in my head, what could I do for her? I looked at her fingernails and decided I could help her with getting her nails cut. She sat and continued to share about her story about how her mother passed away the moment she was born, her father re-married and made to be a slave to her step-mother who never permitted her to marry. It was a sad fact, and I believed her, considering the way women were being treated in the early 1900s.
Gerald and I proceeded to walk her to her doorstep. When she opened the door, we were absolutely shocked to find mountains of stuff piling up around her 2 room flat. There were used plastic, cans, broken fans, cupboard, Tupperware, paper, newspaper, I can't recall all that I had seen, but the sight was just gripping. I had never seen so much stuff.
On hindsight, like Aunty, I've come to realize that my accumulation of things, material like money, clothes or shoes gave me the illusion of security that I needed to feel good about myself. The immense hoarding may come into use that I may need, just some day. Maybe not now, but hoarding it today may prove useful. I forgot how much it could clutter my present view, my perception to the world, my actions on a daily basis.
We will always want what we don't have. What do we choose to do with what we have?
