How to Survive in a Relationship with Two Completely Different Money Blueprints

- by T. Harv Eker
Disclaimer: This article first appeared in harveker.com (November 2015).
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How do you manage a relationship when your partner is not looking for financial freedom and you are, and they are considered the spender in the relationship?

​First of all, understand that you don’t have an issue with your partner. You have an issue with your partner’s money blueprint not matching your blueprint.

​I had the same situation myself with my ex-wife at the time. She is one of the most amazing people on this planet. You couldn’t have a nicer heart or be a better mother.

One problem was that my meaning for money came from growing up with parents saving every dollar that they possibly could and trying to become free so that they wouldn’t be slaves to anybody else, and they wouldn’t have anybody else ever be able to control them. For me money meant freedom.

My wife’s parents owned a little convenience store, like a 7-11 type of thing. They sold candies, cigarettes, bread and that type of thing, and it was actually very successful. For her, all she thought about was the candies. Whenever she came into the store, her father would give her candies, and all of her friends would have to buy her candies for a penny or two. Money meant pleasure for her.

Somehow in her blueprint, money meant that when you have it you should spend it. Her parents didn’t teach her about financial freedom and things like that.

So when we got into a relationship, for me spending money meant you’re spending my freedom. Her money-meaning was that if you don’t spend the money, or if you try to save the money, it was taking away her pleasure.

The bottom line is this: know that you and your partner have different blueprints for money. It’s not just the partner in your relationship, but partners in every relationship you’re in such as your kids, your business… everything. Your meanings are different. Your blueprints don’t match. You are arguing with their blueprint, not with them.

First, take the upset away from them, and understand that you’re only looking at a difference of opinion and conditioning, or domestication, and how you were brought up. You can’t fault your partner for being a spender because that’s how they were brought up.

Next, you sit down with them, but not when you’re upset. Over a nice dinner when you’ve been getting along beautifully you say, “I’d love to talk with you about something in our relationship that I’d love to be able to take to the next level. Are you willing? ” And you start the conversation from there.

It’s not your fault, and it’s not their fault. The problem is fear. Ask your partner if they can help you with it, and vice versa. Ask them what they think you can do, or what you can do together. Is there a way to balance the need for freedom and the need for spending and pleasure?

My resolution was, “Instead of taking all of the money and spending it, or taking all of the money and throwing it into an investment, why don’t we piece it off? Every month, you take this much money, and go have a great time with it. I’ll take this much money, and we’ll put it into our Freedom Account, and the rest we’ll manage.” Though we had other issues outside of money, this approach saved us both a lot of grief at least when it came to money.
Unfortunately, statistics reveal that lots of relationships get into trouble over money. That doesn’t have to be the case. Understand how money blueprints work, and give your relationship the chance it deserves so both partners and your family can grow, learn, and be happier!

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